Maybe I'm not as great as I think I am. It's weird, I meet people guys a lot. And it starts out the same, they are totally in to me but then all the sudden they aren't ready for a relationship. I don't understand. All of my relationships since Ryan, have just ended so fucked up and so abruptly. I had a dream last night most of my ex's were in it. WTF is up with me lately? All this ex talk, it's like I can't get away. I'm like Good Luck Chuck, minus the sex no joke. Almost every guys Ive dated since my first boyfriend even have been with the same girl since they've dated me. 1 st married the girl after me, 2nd boyfriend married the girl after me and had a baby, 3rd was Ryan who now lives in the building next to me with the girl he was always trying to turn me into... some blonde, bubbling, amazon looking woman... she's beautiful ha if thats what your into haha. After Ryan, the guy I talked to for awhile got his ex girlfriend pregnant and married her... then Mihos, literally the only guys who's ever broken my heart, he left me for the girl who is his fiance now. Then David, who is now engaged and his girlfriend is moving across the country to be with him. Ya know maybe I should just be happy for these people. It's like I'm making people want to be in a commitmented relationship, just not with me. Why not me? I'm always thinking there's so much I wouldn't have gotten to do this past year if I would hAVE been in a relationship. I love all the new people I've met and everything I've gotten to do. Every other day I'm saying... it's a good thing for me to be single right now, I'm too easily distracted. But then I see a cute couple and remember that I want that.
I was also noticing something else about the guys that I go for. There's not much stability and reality in guys that are in bands, or that are very involved with music and the industry. I dated a suit and tie for 4 1-2 years. He didn't like my music, my friends, my life. I kick myself often for the shit I put up for all those years, but it was his daughter that made me want to stay. Thats another entry. But I was with someone who I couldn't talk to about music, or go to shows with or even shoot the shit like a regular ass kid. Why can't I just meet someone who's cool as fuck, wants to go to every show possible, has a good soul, good morals, good friends. Hhaha as soon as I meet that guy, we'll talk and then he'll fall in love with the girl standing right behind me. So typical. Shit it feels like I get dumped by guys that are just supposed to be my friend recently.
What is wrong with me, really?
Who the fuck am I talking to?! haha
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