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I know there's thoughts going through my head but if I were to try and say them out loud, I'd sound like I was drugs. A lot. I don't wanna do anything of this anymore. Any of it. I swear sometimes it would just be easier to not be here. Not like dead but just MIA. What am I doing for myself? I'm not happy. I'm never happy. Nothing really makes me happy. Everything makes me cry. I cry when I see something happy, or beautiful, something sad, something inspirational. Why all the tears? I can't even hold it in when I need to. A man got in the elevator this morning where I work and he smelled like something and I didn't know what the smell was but I knew it was my dads. And I cried as soon as he got out of the elevator. I'm always so lost. So so so lost. I feel like no one gets me, and sometimes I have no one to turn to. I don't really even get it. What's it going to take to get me to a place where I feel comfortable in my life. I met someone not that long ago who I felt like... like I was suppose to know him. Like he was suppose to protect me. Whatever. Nothing is ever the way it seems or feels in my head or heart. I like guys that never like me back. My life consists of.... blank. My thoughts feel blank, along with my love life. WTF is love anyway? I LOVE my dog, and my family... but they don't even know who I am. I don't even know who I am. I fucking complain way too much. I want run away.